The Rules of Ventilation...a ventil written long ago, but seems it needs to be seen.

Rules of Ventilation

Need to get rid of mental or emotional trash? Gotta yell, gotta scream, gotta get it out of your system, but you most importantly need to be heard....then you need to vent. there are however rules of ventilation. you...the venter, need to find a trustworthy ventee. even if you are not the ventee to that person when they are the venter.

Start each ventilation with the following sentence: "I need to vent." this way, no one thinks you are calling up to yell and pick at them, they know what the situation is. The venter is the only venter. if the ventee needs to vent, they must wait until your ventilation is finished. take a 5 to 15 min break, then get back to you and use the words:"I need to vent" This keeps it from being two people shouting about two different things and neither of them hearing each other. If you called first, its your turn. When you are finished and they call directly back...its their turn. What is said to you, the ventee, is only for your ears only.

Don't share any of it with others....remember this rule, sooner or later you will be the venter.

For this reason, my ventee lives 3 states away...if they were to blab...no one there knows me. it's ok to have more than one ventee. do not share what you are venting about to the other ventees. chose your ventees by subject, if you are venting about work, its a good ideal if the ventee doesn't work where you do. if you are venting about your love life, you certainly wouldn't want to vent to someone that can compromise or embarrass you on that. Example: my sister and I vent about our significant others to each other, but i wouldn't dare have that conversation with my mom. My fiance knows too many of the people i work with so I dont vent about work to him.

Remember it's not about you, don't take any of it personally. When a person is mad at the world...yes, you live in the world, but its not about you. the venter just needs to be heard and know that someone is listening...say un huh, i understand, yep, go for it, I heard that, what ever fits. Do not agree or disagree with the venter, just be a sounding board. You are a pair of ears, you are not there for advice. Do not offer opinions or advice, even if asked. when the venter calms down, 'what was i thinking' type of stuff can become very complicated if they acted of advice given in a ventilation situation.

if you have to put the phone down for a mental break say 'hold on' dont just put phone down and let them talk to empty air...not only will it not help, they will just start over when you get back. the point of the break is to give you both a chance to calm down. pretend you are made of brick, and the huffing and puffing can not blow you down.

Do not suggest subjects if you dont like whats being said....let them vent. my venter, when i am the ventee, fusses about football. I know NOTHING about football, but i dont have to know football to listen. do not ask for details, if something went over your head, leave it up there.

Everything about venting is a 'you had to be there' thing, and since you cant be in the mind of someone else....dont worry about it. remember, none of it is serious. a venter is just getting rid of bad feelings from a situation they had little or no control over. you know how people say 'i didnt mean it...i was just upset' well, if you hold all that stuff in, its poisonous, it needs to come out. it will come out as rambling and shouting to anyone who will listen, or it will come out as 'incident at Columbine', or going 'postal'.

When the venting is done, throw it away and let it go. dont dwell on it, dont think about it, if you can manage to delete it from your memory, thats a good thing.

To all ventees, you are there so that the venter can clear the air of their psyche, so be neutral.

To all venters...they are there for you, dont forget to say thank you when you are through.

If you vent in writing, like in a journal...keep a vent journal that is separate from your regular diary or journal. Label it as a vent journal, Even decorate it if you want to. Just dont let it get confused with the regular journal.

For one thing, you dont want to be mistaken as totally insane should someone read it centuries from now. You dont want the crazy thoughts in the vent journal to merk up the works in the regular journal,

Do not read any ventils that are less than a month old. When you need a good laugh, re-read some of that stuff. ha ha you can actually see how much growth has occurred from the time written till now. when you are done venting in a journal, put the book away just like you would your diary, in fact, hide your vent journal much better than you hide your diary.

Then tell someone you need a hug, dont have to tell them why, just get that hug. if venting in person, get a hug, you may have to wait a few minutes as a good ventilation rant can cause a little distance. if venting on the phone, make sure that you take frequent breaks in the venting or your ventee may need to become a venter.

Take a deep breath, after you clear out that trash, clear out the lungs with some good old fashioned fresh air.

Happy Venting! I wrote this after a trip to St. Louis, 6 people in a mini van, 4 of them venting at once, I figured there should be rules, and this is in fact MY VENTIL.

~Lakaya M. Peeples
1/11/2007

terms:
ventilation: the act of venting
vent: fussing in a major way
venting: releasing all that built up emotional pressure before you blow a mental fuse.
ventil: the written vent
venter: the one doing the venting
ventee: the one listening to all the venting.